Journal entry over at dA
I had a photographic, artistic depression for the last months, which was broken a few weeks ago, when spring said hello. That fresh green is a damn inspiring colour.
I'm never very self-confident with my works, whether it is something for the uni or a drawing or a photograph or a piece of writing.
That's depressing - but I'm unable to tell myself to be satisfied with the things I have and do.
And on top of that my little 'equipment' was on strike. My camera battery pack is old, but usually working fine. But then it suddenly started to drain itself from energy from one second to the other, mostly that happens, when I let the camera on and the power goes off automatically. Then it wont go on again. Another thing are shocks, for example when the camera fells down (haha, that shouldn't happen, I know!) or when I drive over cobbles with bike and camera in backpack.
Acutally my camera survived some falls, now. The last was, when the carrier strap got caught on something and pulled the camera out of the bag, crash! Luckily it fell on the lens. I say luckily because I didn't have my good, my macro lens on it, but a cheap travel lens, turned out to be luck in disguise - I had that lens on to make some commission photographs for low-res prints and I needed the wider zoom possibilities (28-80mm, I think). Funnily enough I could have let the camera in the car, because I currently didn't need it, but I was afraid, that it might be stolen. But no, I wanted to take it with me, so I could keep it 'safe'!
However, my treasure lens was safe at home, the travel lens was scrap, my camera was off, because the battery pack was on strike - and I thought the worst, but it was really just the battery issue, camera is alright.
A while ago my baby lens has been broken, too! The aperture mechanism just wouldn't close anymore. I had to photograph at widest aperture only for some times. But the lens either worked sometimes and sometimes didn't. I send it in for repair, paid a hell of what I could have spend on steaks and got it back safe and working.
I am so in love with my lens. But I could do with a newer camera though. A 40D would be nice. Maybe I would have bought one, if my camera hadn't survived the crash with the travel lens on. But it did and I still like it.
Not only my tools are on strike sometimes, but my body also.
I haven't been very nice to my knees lately and they wont bend and stretch completely without complaining (in sound and pain).
Also the problem with my elbow isn't solved. I hoped for it to 'heal' due to my photo 'abstinence' during winter, but when I went out to shoot for some hours it hurt horribly. My back doesn't do its part either.
I'm a wreck - I should be lying in bed all day crying over beautiful photographs others do - mine are no good anyway.
I bought a cheap ersatz battery pack today. I hope it works as good as the original one, when that was still yound and fresh and full of enery!
I'm working on my knees with biking, I heard that this might help. Losing some weight should be helpful, too. The elbow is a problem, because exercises only make it worse and I don't want a surgery, because I always have so much to do - and I wouldn't be able to use my right hand for at least two months.
The camera and lens are working fine now and I'm taking extra care that the won't fall down - I even use the zipper on the camera bag - never did that before.
I try to take the time I need for creative things like drawing and taking photographs. My life cannot be dictated by procrastination, work and university. Being depressed is a bad thing - and it circles, doing nothing than being melancholic, sitting around will only result in being even more depressed because one doesn't create and menage anything.
M y b l o g f o r e v e r y t h i n g . E v e r y t h i n g a p a r t f r o m m y a u t o b i o g r a p h i c c o m i c .
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
große Datei, dauert evtl etwas beim Laden, sorry
Ich hab endlich mal wieder so richtig Freude am Photographieren gehabt, die letzten Tage. Vielleicht lag es am Winter, am Mangel an Zeit oder an den Kameraquerelen, aber in den Monaten davor hatte ich nie so richtig Lust, Photos zu machen. Hab es natürlich trotzdem versucht und die Resultate waren ergo eher bescheiden.
Aber jetzt ist alles bunt und hell draußen und ich habe gerade noch ein paar Tage Zeit, bevor Arbeit und Semester losgehen.
Am Freitag war ich auf der Freundschaftsinsel in Postdam, die gerade wegen der Brückenbaustelle nicht wirklich ein Genuss ist. Am Sonntag war ich kurz im Zoo und hab eigentlich kaum Tiere, fast nur Blüten photographiert.
Von oben links:
1. Blaues Windröschen
2. Rosskastanie (bald ist es soweit!)
4. Gelbes Windröschen
5. Zierkirsche (die ersten wenige Blüten heute)
8. Forsythie (leider kein Photo einer aufgeblühten gemacht)
9. Christrosen mit ältester Eiche im Hintergrund
11. Ysander (Pachysander)
12. Frühlingskuhschelle (Pulsatilla vernalis)
14. Orienthyazinthen, inkl. Zweige von Hartriegel mit rötlichen Knospen
16. rote Tulpen
17. Blaustern (Scilla nana)
19. Primel (Mehlprimel?)
21. Schneeheide (war voller summender Bienen)
22. Leucothoe (auch ein Heidekrautgewächs)
24. Winterschneeball (das Photo gefällt mir gar nicht!)
25. Felsenbirne (auf die Blüte freue ich mich, sollte bald losgehen)
26. (darunter) Parrotie, "Eisenholz"
27. (daneben) Trauerweide
29. Ahorn, weiß nicht welcher (??)